Growing Pains

I landed. And the transition hasn’t been easy. 


This month, after years of touring, exploring, and being a gracious guest in the homes of countless friends and mentors, I officially moved to the west coast into a home in Venice Beach. I finally turned the online course I had been dreaming about into a real thing. You’d think landing would be grounding!
If anything, it’s the opposite.

I feel like I'm heating up, in a pot of stirring questions: why here? Why this place? What's the next right thing? Which direction to grow? The mundane tasks that come with life’s choices have taken over my days in a way that they never really have. How should my home look and feel? Which kitchen towels to pick? What to upload, download, read, write, email, send and receive? I'm confronted with new responsibilities every single day that remind me of the work that I need to do. That “grow up” voice tells me to focus, to plan, to execute the "to do list of 2016" with precision and intention... and the kid in me yells back and wants to run to my new backyard to practice handstands, or book a flight to the next gig. First things first - stick to the plan. Honor my practice. Buy a shower curtain. Meditate.


There's the other side of this… 


I am learning so much. I am being pushed in every aspect of my life to know myself from all angles, different shapes and sizes. I am being challenged to explore all of my personalities so I can be prepared for anything. I'm learning that this world will never rule my day because I am fully ruled by the Universe. With this new home and online course (which is incredible), every day is packed with a mission. And in that, every moment requires me to be fully ready for a new approach. There is no story that will serve or support these choices except the one in which I am made to deal, responsibly and responsively, in the spark of the present moment. 

Pieces need to be put together before I can say “I’ve landed” for good. And no one is going to put those together except for me. That’s the motivation of all of it. To me, it’s the FIRE! And it burns away the part of me that fears, that hesitates, that doubts, that pushes back against what I know is right. In nature, fire burns to benefit the soil, to maintain proper plant growth. Nothing can truly root and have new life without being burned first. Fires revitalizes and replenishment the earth. Without it, plants would be unable to survive. So as I see it…I'm in the fire right now– a fire of my own creation. It's connecting me back to who I am being so I can clearly grow exactly what I want. And take root.

Ah...This is what growing pains feel like! 

Posted on December 9, 2015 .